Oddness
by horrible banana
Summary: AU. Sequel to Strange Happenings. They are on a journey to get to Inuyasha. This should give you your daily serving of randomness enriched oddness...
1. Hut of Sequins

I like green things.

Disclaimer:

_Gun sounds_

Voices- Say it!

Pisang- NOOOOOO!

_More gun noises_

Pisang- I-I- I OWN INUYASHA!MWAHAH-

_Gun shots_

_**Technical difficulties**_

* * *

Inuyasha and Kags lived happily in a hut. 

It was made of sequins.

Inu needed to escape.

His home was going to make him fruity!

Inuyasha new an undeniably, manly place would be the beach…

…at sunset!

Inu giggled with glee.

He snuck off, grabbing a few home-grown flowers.

Inu liked talking to plants.

They made him feel loved.

Inuyasha made himself comfy in the sand.

As he cradled his flowers, he began to reminisce romantic moments…

Like the time he put a tack on Kagome's chair.

She had jumped right into his arms…

… lovingly bashing his head in.

…. Ah memories…

A hobo by the name of Shippo heard the masculine hanyou sniffle.

He handed the sobbing man a beer.

* * *

Early next morning, a foreign ambassador, intent on skinny dipping, found Inu on the beach… 

… he was drunk

… he had a pile of dirty magazines

… and he had been making out with seahorses and starfish.

Inuyasha was forced off the island in a barrel. Even though it was cramped, wet and filled with poisons, it was a good home.

Inu just wished he had his conditioner…

… his hair was getting incredibly frizzy in this environment.

* * *

Kagome was pissed. 

Men just weren't to be trusted!

Her cook had left the stove on and the eggs were ruined!

Kagome decided it was time to have a shave.

Stress made her grow whiskers…

She could just leave her moustache growing, but the store was out of wax…

… Kags just couldn't go out without a pretty, waxed moustache…

… it was against the law.

Kagome sifted through her toiletries.

Where was her razor?

_Sift sift sift…_

Kagome reclined in her armchair.

Now she had a goatee.

She couldn't find her razor…

… or Inuyasha.

Usually, he'd be stalking her lipstick.

Kags decided to eat an apple…

… and call a Private Investigator.

She needed that razor.

A few minutes later, Shippo was on her doorstep.

And immediately, he was smitten

Such beautiful white skin!

Such smooth red lips!

Shippo was in love…

… with an apple.

After a quick talk, Kagome got her investigator, and Shippo got his beloved fruit.

The little kitsune tapped into his psychic powers.

Hmm…. Inuyasha is currently in south of France… losing his mind… and shaving his legs…

Kagome screamed.

That idiot was using her razor on his legs!

Kags knew what she had to do.

* * *

Voices- We will be replacing Pisang for a few short weeks... 

She is currently dying slowly due to unknown circumstanes... ahem

Did you like it? Did you hate it? Call us now! 2954620! THAT NUMBER AGAIN: 2954620!

Great.. i sound like an ad... --;

Voices- Did we do a good job? Did we do a bad job? Call us now...


	2. Found in a barrel

Don't ignore me. I want to feel happy.

Disclaimer:

Voices- This is so cool! We can finally say it! oMg OmG! Ok.. ok... We **don't **own Inu---argh!

Pisang- _standing heroically with a mallet in hand swathed in bandages _I've come to avenge... ME! Whoo... go me!... ahem...

* * *

Inu felt himself lifted towards a light. 

It was about time the poison was working.

A heavenly voice spoke…

…it spoke of many wonders.

Lipstick… eye shadow… toe-nail clippers…

Inuyasha opened his eyes.

He was terrified.

Above him was the face of a man with…

… RUNNY MASCARA…

… PANDA EYES!

Inu began hyperventilating.

For the rest of the day, Inuyashsa was absorbed in scrubbing the face of Jakotsu.

* * *

Kagome had to build a boat.

She and Shippo nailed.

They hammered.

And they sanded.

Kagome stood back and inspected their work.

It was beautiful…

…it was wonderful…

… it was a chair…

On that clear, sunny day, in an ocean near Europe, you might've seen two figures on a chair, trying to catch the wind in a tea towel.

Shippo thought that he could sell it on the black market for a few thousand.

At one stage, they were starving and almost resorted to cannibalism.

But then they realised...

…you can eat plants.

Wood is a plant.

The chair is made of wood…

The pair arrived on the shores of Italy, leaving their capsized vessel to drift and began trudging their way to France.

* * *

Jakotsu's was red and raw.

Inuyasha had almost scoured his nose off.

The panda-eyed man hopped in pain while Inu shaved his legs.

Hew wondered where Kagome had gotten the great blade…

…it was so gentle on his skin…

After the pain subsided, Jakotsu dragged the other off to see the Boss.

He was in charge of the largest No-name cosmetics line.

As he skipped in delight, Inuyasha was unaware of the twist in the plot, the evil that lay ahead…

…the vinegar in the toffee…

* * *

Shippo and Kagome arrived in a small town.

It was burning…

…they were eating popcorn.

They agreed the whole realistic approach was quite amazing.

The organic lines…

The rich tones…

The two buddies spent the afternoon watching a village being obliterated.

As she rose from her seat to get a refill of popcorn, Kagome was stopped by a hulking figure.

Draped in an exceedingly old fashioned cloak and brandishing an oily rag.

This mysterious person bradished for a few more hours.

And doing it with greatcare and expertise.

Kagome became incredibly bored.

She needed a pee.

There were forests nearby…

…maybe they had a toilet.

Kags walked bowlegged into the clump of trees…

…she hurt her head many times.

Finally, through all the confusion, Kagome found a little blue sign pointing to the loo.

After she'd freshened herself up, Kagome trekked back to where Shippo was.

Then she realised she was stomping in circles.

An ear-splitting, bloodcurdling scream echoed through the forest.

As she gathered the remnants of her ear, Kags knew only a woman could make that sort of shriek.

She rushed up the mountainside…

…then down again…

…then in little circles…

Kagome finally found the origin of the screeching.

The scene was indeed interesting.

A bear…

… on top…

… of Miroku…

Inuyasha's imaginary friend was not as imaginary as everyone thought.

The giant grizzly turned it's head to the source of the odd smell.

It scampered away…

… Kagome had a bushy beard and quite unfashionable sideburns.

* * *

Kags and Miroku chatted as they walked in loops.

Miroku had been lost in the woods, chasing the hot looking moon. In desperation, he had asked the question that has plagued him for aeons…

…to a bear…

… a male bear…

… an agreeable male bear…

* * *

The boss was an imposing person.

His dark hair, smooth and undamaged.

His fingernails, neatly painted with cerise.

His lip gloss… so shiny…

… and inviting.

Inuyasha drooled…

…it smelt like his favourite: strawberry…

Naraku inspected Inuyasha hungrily.

'Boiling him would take all the flavour out…'

The boss then led them into a room marked "Animal Testing"

It looked like a laboratory

Inu knew that someone had finally discovered his amazing scientific knowledge and great colour coordination and were putting his skills to cosmetic use.

'His brain is as small as a peanut…'

Naraku cackled evilly.

Inuyasha beamed.

'Some people are so supportive, they celebrate heartily with you!'

* * *

Kagome and Miroku crawled from the undergrowth, battered and worn out.

They had travelled to many foreign areas in search of directions.

In the end, they followed their heart…

…it didn't work very well.

It hurt when you cut yourself open.

And it was incredibly hard to get a leash on the damn thing!

To top it off, the horrible, life preserving muscle couldn't walk or even point.

Shippo looked up from the game he and the mysterious figure were playing…

… a drinking game…

… "Who can drink the most kerosene?"

Sango (the bulky character) liked burning things.

Sango didn't like villages.

She rose from her seat and stumbled drunkenly towards Miroku.

Sango stared into his eyes lovingly.

She leaned forwards and licked her lips…

"You smell like socks"

Miroku realised Sango was at in a vulnerable situation.

He grabbed her and proceeded to run off to a private place.

Shippo and Kagome sat down and toasted some squirrels.

The Private Investigator retold Sango's story…

…She used to walk around the countryside dressed like a man, stealing and eating fence posts. But soon Sango was out done at her job and decied to change and do something more normal...

... maybe a vigilante.

Miroku laid Sango down on the grass.

He kneeled next to her.

The monk enjoyed exploititng half-concious women...

..."I like you hon

You turn me on

Your hands so skilled

Your shirt so filled"

Sango's screams echoed through the woods...

* * *

Pisang- Was it good? Was it bad? Please tell me! Or else I'll be sad...


	3. HANDBAGS!

YAY.. almost done. I'm hungry...

Disclaimer:

Pisang- Ah peace and quiet at last...

Pisang- Kinda boring...

... hmmmm... alright... I don't own Inuyasha...

Wuh.. I've just been fired! Seems I'm not exciting enough...

... grrr... muttering curses>

* * *

Inuyasha admired his new look.

His lips were smothered in greyish-yellow lipstick.

His foundation was a strange electric blue.

His cheeks were coated with a purple blush.

Sparkly black eye shadow was smudged over one eye, while oily brown coated the other.

An excess of white mascara dripped from his eyelashes.

Naraku certainly had style.

All this outlandish makeup had given Inu invigorating ideas.

He tried to tell the scientists surrounding, but they were too busy studying him.

Inu blushed.

* * *

Naraku was annoyed. 

The new victim was too compliant.

Though he did look good.

But Inuyasha's testing days were numbered.

Naraku's flying minions had reported of a cute little fox.

He tittered.

Cute things made him merry…

… and foxes made it even better…

… they go well with Chardonnay.

Naraku stared at Inuyasha through the2 way mirror (courtesy of Kanna).

'Mmmmmm… yummy…

… he'll do well steamed.'

* * *

Shippo was missing. 

A note was left behind.

It read, 'Gone fishing'

Kagome was irate and frazzled.

He had forgotten to take out the trash…

… thanks to that idiot there was nowhere to put the orange peel.

Kags was growing facial hair that could rival a monkey.

Sango was searching for wood.

Miroku had to die.

She glanced down and saw a shoe.

It was rather small.

Beyond the miniscule footwear there was a tiny discarded coat.

"HEY GUYS! FREE CLOTHES!"

* * *

Shippo had a nightmare. 

He dreamt that flying teapots took him away…

... the sensation of being suspended in midair was wonderful…

… until the little kitsune realized something…

… his darling was missing.

Shippo searched through all his clothes…

* * *

The trail of garments led to a tall, foreboding fortress. 

"WHOOT! A DEPARTMENT STORE!" Kagome screamed.

"MAYBE THERE'S A SALE!"

The guards were at the mercy of two shopping crazed women.

After lots of scratching, biting and pulling of hair, the pair of ladies stood victorious…

… frothing at the mouth.

Miroku stared in amazement and fear.

Kagome and Sango tottered around, looking for the signs of a clearance.

Suddenly the pong of something like leather filled the air.

"IT MUST BE HANDBAGS SPECIALLY RESERVED FOR US!"

The two excited females tracked down the alluring smell to a dimly lit kitchen with dirty walls.

Something shifted in the shadows...

... something large...

... something smelly...

... something hideous...

Inuyasha's face peered out from the darkness.

Kagome was shocked...

... was that her handbag?

It was so...

...beautiful!

Sango was also enraptured by the stunning display before her.

Miroku was leaning on the doorframe checking his hair.

Kagome rushed over and broke the chains binding Inu to a giant steamer.

The power of a women in longing...

... for accessories.

Miroku observed the situation with an educated eye.

'There's one bag...

...and twofrenetic ladies...

... maybe I should get highlights... '

Sango, due to desperation,suggested they cut Inuyahsha in half.

He was objecting profusely, but the Sango and Kagome just didn't hear him.

They had sharpened their nails for the incision when Naraku burst in.

"THAT ONE'S MINE!" Sango shouted with glee.

The cool detached bosstried to escape from the vigilante's vice-like hold, but failed miserably...

... his arm was losing circulation.

* * *

O.K o.k ... It's a bad finish but there's more to come.

Birdies- Hi! We're your chirpy new presenters! Woot! Out with the old in with the new! Pisang was just sooooo ol----

Pisang- (with feathers sticking out from mouth) Heh heh heh...

...Ye shall chirp no more..


	4. Circus

Ah.. the end is nigh... this is most likely gonna be the worst epilogue ever.

Disclaimer-

Voices- We seem to run out of presenters very quickly...It's so sad when it has to come to this : Our dear Pisang is located at the bottom of the sea, bait for fish. Pisang, will you ever learn? You will never own Inuyasha...

* * *

The band of five decided to join a circus. 

Kagome was the very beardedlady.

Sango was a flame thrower.

Inuyasha was a clown.

Naraku was an elephant.

And Miroku was forbidden to go near the crowd.

They lived off a plentiful income of beans and nuts.

Except for Naraku because he was an animal.

* * *

Shippo had been left behind.

He spent many weeks in depression...

...pining away for his darling apple.

But then he found new love...

... in a loaf of bread.

* * *

Jakotsu was left in isolation.

He was bored silly, so he began to grow lettuce and use them to make a raft.

* * *

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.. fin.. the monstrosity is finally done..

I'd like to take the time to thank Flyinganimepig for being so kind and supportive! . Also I would like to give my thanks to Pisang, the Voices and Birdies for all the help. It was an honor working with you guys!

And now I shall make my long-awaited exit... Mmmmmmmm.. warm milk and cookies.


End file.
